Call me slow if you already know this one but I just figured this out (all by myself) the other day. The sound you make when you fart, most of the time, is actually the sound of your left and right butt cheeks slapping against each other as air is passing through. I guess I discovered all this starting from the notion that you cannot clap with one hand, followed by the widely used practice of tilting ones ass to break wind discretely. You see, when you tilt your ass to one side, what you’re really doing is removing one butt cheek from the equation.

I didn’t really have a New Year’s Eve to shout about this year. Nor did I last year. And the year before last. I’m starting to wonder if New Year’s Eve gets suckier with age or if I just happen to be in a New Year’s Eve slump. Well, at least I still go out on New Year’s Eve. There’ll probably come a time when all I’ll do is stay home, flip on CNN and watch how people in different time zones celebrate the New Year.

Hui Chin, Chang Hua and I celebrated this New Year’s Eve at the Santa Monica Pier. No one really took the reins to conduct the countdown so people just went by the time on their watches. A bunch of “crazies” + Chang Hua brought in the New Year by diving into the freakin’ cold ocean. It’s pretty cool right before you do it. It’s pretty cool as you’re doing it. And then you feel stupid for doing it as you shiver uncontrollably from being wet in the cold.