Since my home intrusion a few weeks back, I’ve had a list running through my head… of the everyday household  items I could have used as weapons against the intruder.

Caught off guard, I did not have the clarity of thought to make full use my home court advantage. So I figured it would be useful to create this checklist for the future. Hopefully by sharing this, you yourself would be better prepared should you run into the same situation.

Your home arsenal:

1. The obvious. Kitchen knives. The bigger the better. A cleaver is good if you only have one attacker. Because of its weight, the attacker would not be able to parry your attack. If there is more than one person, you may opt for something lighter that is easier for slashing. You see, with a cleaver, chances are, your weapon would get jammed in the first guy’s forearm bone, clavicle, or skull… leaving you vulnerable to the second attacker. But with a regular pointed-tip kitchen knife, you have speed, you have a better range of motion, and you can slash and stab.
2. If you are in the bathroom, your options are sometimes limited, unless you intend to slap him with a wet towel or if you have the ninja precision to stick him in the eye with your toothbrush. Razors are tough because they are small, and you’d probably only knick the guy. One thing you could use is the heavy porcelain cover of your toilet bowl. In extreme situations, you could also punch the mirror and use a shard of glass.
3. Hairdryer + powder (or other caustic powdery material, like drain cleaner). Once you blind the guy, smash the hairdryer open and brand him with the heated filaments.
4. If you are locked in the bathroom and he is breaking the door down, you may want to soak the bathroom floor, start your hairdryer, and climb onto the sink counter. The minute he walks into the puddle of water, smash your hairdryer on the floor. I don’t know if this works in real life, or if I’ve been watching too many Hollywood movies.
5. Insect spray. I’ve not had insect spray in my eyes before, but I can’t imagine it to be nice. Spray paint, spray mount, lacquer and other aerosol products work well too. If you use spray mount, you’d be like Spider Man.
6. Insect spray + a cigarette lighter. Follow with salt, vinegar or lemon juice after the guy is incapacitated from the burn pains.
7. Wooden furniture like a chair. It might be hard to wield a chair, so you may opt to smash it on the floor and use the chair leg for your defence. The best would be to use the piece with a nail or screw at the end.
8. Tool box items. Screwdrivers and wood files aren’t the best. I’d use a hammer or a chisel.
9. WD-40. There are a number of ways you can use this, but before you do, remove that flimsy, red precision tube.  Firstly, if the intruder has not seen you, you can spray some over the floor of your escape route before you engage the guy, and make a note of where not to step if the guy is in pursuit. Stairs are the best. If the guy has seen you and is approaching, you can spray the floor between you and him so that it limits his access to you. He may leap over the patch to reach you, but he will be off balance when he lands, and that gives you more options. Smothering the guy with WD-40 works well. If you can cover him from head to toe with WD-40, he would be immobilised, and flop on the floor like an eel in a bucket. The best place to engage the guy with WD-40 is at a non-carpeted area of your house. Kitchen oil and baby oil works too.
10. An iron. If you have the luxury of time, heat it up first. If your iron comes with a heavy three-pin plug, you can brandish that as a weapon too… to distract him right before you plant the iron on his face.
11. Energy saving lightbulbs. When broken, these are extremely toxic. If you already have an escape route, smash the bulbs in the room he is in, and run for your life. The cops can later watch the hospitals for patients admitted for mercury poisoning.

I’m sure I could have grown this list much longer, but I think this is good for starters. If you have suggestions of your own, feel free to list them down here.

My heart sank like a rock in water the last time I caught a glimpse of our bank account balance. Our savings had halved since we moved back to Malaysia. Most of it went towards getting set up I guess – house expenditure, our cars, child birth. Thankfully, I think we’ve moved past the heavy expenditure, but I still think we’ll have to tighten our belts a little, especially now that we’ve become a single income household.

I’ve spent the last couple of months engaged in quite a bit of DIY stuff – building shelves, a wine glass rack, refurbishing a clothes horse, building a small gate and other bits and bobs. Unfortunately, everything looks a bit crooked, so I’ve stashed away any desire to follow Jesus’ footsteps as a carpenter.

Have also spent quite a bit of time getting the garden and our finances in order, and that has been a huge relief. So it’s kinda nice that there has been progress on the home front, that life has not been stagnant.

With all those major annoyances out of the way, I think I’ll be able to work more routine into my day. The first half would be for domestic affairs – laundry, house cleaning, gardening. And the second half, my writing. In the last couple months, I’ve discovered that the unkempt state of our home hangs over my head throughout the day, and that it’s a bit hard for me to get into a Zen-like state till that stuff gets straigthened.

Every day since I quit my day job, I’ve wondered if I was doing the right thing. It still weighs heavily on me that I may not achieve what I’m setting out to accomplish. That I’m putting all my hopes and dreams into this one basket. And that it may get lost in a boundless ocean, amongst the million other baskets. Baskets that others have set afloat with their hopes and dreams inside.

I’ve also come to realise that the path I’m on is a lonely one. There is the physical loneliness of being indoors mostly these days, as well as the emotional loneliness of not running into many who can relate to what I’m currently going through. It really feels like a steep climb at the moment, but I’m quite certain this is a journey I have to take, so that I don’t look back and wonder… what if.