My mind slid into a day dream today, of the house I would own if I were to be ultra rich. The image that formed in my head was a little unexpected, and surprised me a little.

You see, one of the constant battles I fight in my current home is the lack of space. This was a problem I felt being ultra rich could solve, as I’d be able to afford a ginormous home with infinite storage space. A house so big it could be seen via Google Earth without you having to zoom in.

But taking a serious and honest look back, I realised that I’d always been dumbfounded by why celebrities wanted 20-bedroom homes. I always felt that mansions of such proportions lacked the warmth of a home and was void of a soul. So it was odd that my sub-conscious wanted a huge home with lots of space even though my heart had never desired such a thing.

The home of my dreams would be a cosy one. One that is compact and functional.  A single story, with 3 bedrooms, a living room that could sit… oh maybe eight.  Since I like to cook, my kitchen would be more lavish than most.

“But what about all my junk?” I asked myself.

And then it occurred to me. Rich people don’t keep junk.

It was at this precise moment that I discovered where all my space had gone. To the storage of all my pikey shit.

Rich people only keep clothes they like. Clothes that fit them. Clothes that are in the now, that they actually wear. Not boxes of jeans from 12 years ago that they had outgrown 13 years back. Rich people know that if they magically drop 5 pants sizes and can fit into their clothes from a decade ago, it is probably bad news. Probably a result of being whittled to the bone in a losing battle against cancer.

Rich people do not store away clothes that have gone out of fashion, and harbour the belief that those clothes would one day come back in style. There is a fashion formula the wealthy adhere to:

in vogue = in stores

And in their correct size.  Minus the mothball smell.

Rich people don’t purchase half a year’s worth of diapers if there is a diaper sale.  Or buy several cartons of milk powder to get the free bowl or mug. They do not buy toilet paper that come in crate-size bundles, where 5 packs of 12 are taped together. And they do not stockpile instant noodles and canned food as if war were coming to their doorstep the next day. Rich people only buy what they need for immediate consumption, and as a result, seldom find the need to look at expiration dates on packaging.  They need consumables to last at most for 4 days, not 40 moons.

Rich people don’t need tools. And if they do own tools, they have that one miracle tool that does the work of 25. They own the remote control that can work the TV, the AC, the gate, the sprinkler system. The fridge that can make pineapple-shaped ice cubes, bake muffins, brew coffee, and self clean.

And tools for DIY? That’s only if they want to do it themselves. Which they often don’t.

Rich people also don’t need any garden tools. No spades, no shovels, no rakes, no garden scissors. They hire gardeners who can afford a van full of garden grooming gadgets.

Rich people don’t keep a cupboard full of grocery bags under their sink, bags that they can later reuse as thrash bags. Instead they buy plastic bags that come in a neat pack of 50. Whenever they need a bag, they pull one out through the perforated hole on the top, just like you would a tissue out of a tissue box. These sit nicely in a drawer and takes up a tenth of the space.

Rich people don’t think twice about throwing away cardboard boxes used for packaging, and do not store them  like Russian Matryoshka dolls – where a small jewellery case sits within a shoe box, which sits within a microwave box inside a computer monitor box. They don’t even flatten out the boxes and slip them behind a cupboard or under their bed. And this may come as a shock to some of you but rich people also throw away bubble wrap. Yes, and also used wrapping paper.

Rich people don’t keep a garage full of baby stuff in case they decide to one day have another child. And they don’t keep old things that they insist they would one day get around to pawn off on eBay or at a second hand shop.

This may sound like an alien concept to some people out there, but rich people keep their spaces clear so they have room. Ya, I know. It sounds very zen.

“Room for what?” you may ask. Well room to walk. Room to breathe. Room for the sake of having room.

I was looking into my kitchen pantry the other day and noticed that I had a collection of tupperware, used mineral water bottles and fast food containers that would make any housewife turn green with envy. I had containers that could store anywhere from one mouthful of leftovers to a pot of stew that could feed the seven dwarfs and a pregnant Snow White. And get a hold of this. They are all microwaveable. I can already feel the envy alchemising into jealousy.

Rich people don’t keep leftovers when they eat at home. And they don’t bring home leftovers when they eat out. One may then ask if the microwave in their home is merely for show.  Well, rich people sometimes eat microwave dinners and microwave pop corn. Now and then, they also like to slum it out and reheat pizza from the day before.

So how do we solve this problem of space? Just have to be one of them rich people I guess. Because at the end of the day, it is not a question of ‘where all your space has gone’ but ‘what has gone into your space.’

A smaller house with more room. I like the sound of that.